Today’s video is about dating in Korea! YAY!!! This is definitely a shift from the first two videos we made for Like It. In the inaugural Like It video we examined several key factors to cost of living in Korea, including public transportation, food and clothing. Our second video touched on how we communicate here. For this one we dive into a topic that is exciting to talk about, yet could be somewhat difficult to explain.
Main reason this topic is a difficult one to talk about stems mostly from the magnitude of information that should be covered in order to do it justice. Because of this, we simply were not able to cover nearly as much information in the video as we would have liked to. Therefore, we’ve written about some of the more juicy bits of info below to give y’all the skinny on not just foreigners and Koreans dating, but Koreans general standards for dating.
There really are so many cultural differences when it comes to dating in Korea versus dating in western countries. In Korea for instance, dating usually starts around university age. This is due to two main factors. First, many students go to all boys or all girls only high schools. There are coed schools, but they aren’t as common. Second reason is that high school in Korea, unlike in Europe, North and South America, almost completely consumes a student’s life here. There is so much time either spent at school or spent studying that kids here have very little time to do anything else until university starts. So, we find as Americans that, in comparison to experience amongst our selves and our friends, Korean kids get a bit of a late start in the dating game.
Another big difference is that men don’t often approach women they don’t know and simply ask for a phone number. They do this, but mainly only in situations like being in a club in Gangnam, and.. not everyone goes clubbing. Richard has had male students tell him before that they do in fact approach women they’ve never met in a club and ask for a phone number. However, this is not the norm for meeting and dating women here. Instead, mutual friends introduce new guys and girls on double dates often. Friends will also do this for their friends but the potential couple goes out alone, sort of like a blind date. Well, actually that is a bind date. We’ve heard that young adults here like the comfort of being set up by someone they know and trust. If they go out on a first date and really like the person, they can choose to go out on a second date.
Richard has had students (usually male) divulge such information as being a 3rd or 4th year university student, maybe 24 or 25 years old Korean age, and have never gone on a date or had a girlfriend before. This isn’t because they aren’t interested in girls. It usually happens like this because guys are to shy to just ask a girl out cold. Instead, the majority of people here prefer knowing the person from some prior engagement, like maybe they had the same major or work in the same company, or they were introduced by a friend.
As for Foreigners and Koreans dating interracially in Korea, this opens up a whole new can of worms. Obviously cultural differences come into play, but just what those differences are can be a matter for a nice, long debate. Not everyone agrees when this subject is broached amongst people who are not from Korea but live here. Trust me. I’ve been part of a few of those conversations, and after a nice healthy conversation usually some of us have to agree to disagree.
For example, how parents react to their son or daughter dating a foreigner really depends on how open-minded he parents are. It could be that they don’t mind, but we find that usually the opposite is the case. Parents tend to be a bit close-minded about their children, and especially daughters dating foreigners here, not matter how old they are.
Things is, people are different everywhere and Korea is no exception. Parents who, for example, send their children abroad to learn English for a year or two during high school or even in university my be a little more open to their daughter or son dating whoever they wish and making their own decisions. Unfortunately, even though Korea has developed very quickly technologically, the mindset amongst many has been much slower to catch up. This adversely affects some in the younger generation who may want to explore and discover what dating outside Korean culture is like. However, regardless of what parents think, people may still end up dating whomever their heart pleases and not tell their parents. This happens more often than some of us might expect.
Some cultural differences include things like the roles men and women are expected to play in a relationship. In most western countries, the man opening the door for a woman to enter first is standard. This sort of doesn’t exist in Korea. Men usually must pay for dates, and this may be similar in both cultures, but as time goes by we’ve observed that Korean men tend to pay for things such as dates, flowers, movies, etc. for a longer period of time before the woman might start chipping in. That may seem all well and good for the ladies out there that like being taken care of, but Richard has heard of many cases from former students who were burned by a girl who took advantage of this longer than they should of because the expectation in Korea is usually that the man pays for things.
I personally have never dated a Korean, but Richard has, and he talked about it a little bit in the video. A few things he noticed from dating Koreans:
1. He met Korean parents twice when dating a Korean woman, and both times the family was warm and welcoming.
2. The first couple of dates with a Korean woman was always a bit nerve-racking because he was unfamiliar with Korean dating culture and didn’t want to make mistakes. However, most dates were very similar to western experiences, like having some dinner and going to a movie.
3. None of the women he dated drove cars or had drivers licenses. This was distinct from women (mostly in America) who he knew and/or had dated in the past.
4. Language miscommunication was common and could happen easily. Sometimes even the most simple of conversations could be misconstrued and become uncomfortable. Learning Korean became more of a priority when dating Koreans.
5. Always keep an open mind. Dating someone from another culture can be new and exciting! Unexpected things might arise but try to see the good in everything that happens.
So, what are some of things you’ve heard about dating Koreans? Have you ever dated a Korean? Or, do you have another topic or subject you’d like us to cover. Drop us a comment below or on youtube or Facebook. We’d love to hear from you!^^